Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
