once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize