just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
