If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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