Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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