def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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