just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
