every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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