Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
