it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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