we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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