Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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