so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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