I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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