Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
