allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
