my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
