i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
