i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
