His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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