I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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