I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
your room smells of hookers.
And success
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
