Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
