I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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