Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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