Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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