i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
