some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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