This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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