I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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