3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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