he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
