That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
