So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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