you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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