I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
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