Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i drank out of a bidet.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
