Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
