im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
They took my balls.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
