we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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