woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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