Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
