the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
