I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
