There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
