i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
