You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
