Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
