Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
