You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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