we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
