no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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