So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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