It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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