i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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