It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
