The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize