just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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