The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
