So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
