I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
