If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize