i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
