The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
