All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
